Hanging On The Telephone

Lexie

22/05/08

There is only so much a girl can take as Lexie discovers this week...

Monday 12th May
7.05am

What the...? Oh. My alarm. Have to go to a training day at a restaurant in town today. Was only told about it last night and I'm all kinds of scared.

Finally got a grip over the weekend. The pregnancy scare last week was enough to give me the wake up call I needed. Six months of dossing about feeling sorry for myself is no way to live a life, plus am ridiculously poor and so I applied for a zillion part time jobs and sent my CV to magazines in the north in the hope that someone will give me a break.

So here I am, off to a restaurant to learn how to balance plates. Woop.

1.10pm
Eww this woman is a nightmare. She's spent the last four hours barking orders at us and demanding that we do as she says...it's like a warped version of school. So far the ten of us, made up of eight teenagers under the age of 18, a 41 year old and me, have been quizzed on how to clean up a spill, the precise method for getting a tip and, best of all, how to wash our hands.

As mini Hitler talks us through the company motto (quick flashback to the Girl Guides), I sneakily text Sarah, my flatmate from uni and a former waitress:

'Is it normal to want to kill your restaurant manager for reasons other than the fact she is a size 8 and about three years younger than me??'

Just pressing send when -

'OIII! You! Laura is it? What are the main reasons for using different coloured chopping boards in the kitchen? You don't know do you? Because you were texting weren't you?'

Oh my God what a loon. What a power crazy blonde midget with dodgy split ends and a stupid squeaky laugh whenever a sexy brooding chef walks by.

I try not to visualise taking the multi coloured chopping boards and committing serious assault with them when I feel my phone vibrate in my hands.

Checking and double checking mini Hitler's not watching, I open my inbox:

'Sounds like a right bitch honey. Make a run for it!'

On cue, mini Hitler pipes up, 'Right, fifteen minute ciggie break wehile I go and get your other manuals.' What, there's MORE?

The 18 year old with the lip gloss has decided she's my new best friend and keeps asking me things, 'So then, 'ow many GCSEs d'yer av?'

'Ten' I reply. God, GCSEs? Christ.

'Really? Oh my friggin' God! I only go' two!'

I REALLY need to get away before I kill someone.

I see my escape route and run. And run and run. Very far away.

7.00pm
Mum thinks I did the right thing not sticking around, which is amazing as she's usually the one who thinks people are nasty because I've wound them up!

I go upstairs and check my emails. And then I race back down the stairs, 'Mum mum mum!'

'Jesus Lexie, what's wrong?'

'I've been offered an internship with a magazine in Manchester! I'm saved!!'

'Ahh Lex I'm made up for you love, but can you not induce a heart attack next time please?'

Brilliant! This is perfect.

Thursday 15th May
4.30pm

Just back from an interview with a telesales company. This is my only hope for a job that will give me the hours I need and they've pretty much offered me the role. Things are finally coming together!

Just as I make my way up to the offices I get a text. It's from the Original Boy:

'Lex, can we talk? You're the only one I can talk to.'

Shit, what now? Spoke too soon.